Being in a long-term relationship with your spouse can be fantastic and death to excitement in the bedroom. Fantastic – because here’s someone who knows you intimately and gets your awkward, silly jokes. Death – because things can get way too comfortable in the bedroom, and no one truly has fun anymore. Yes, putting the focus on passion (and sex) back into your relationship with your husband isn’t easy, though a spicy sex life reaps rewards inside and outside the bedroom.
The Story of My Marriage and Sex Life
My husband and I celebrated our 22nd anniversary in October. We’ve been together for 24 years, about half my life. Before meeting my husband, I only had 2 boyfriends since I was shy and introverted in high school and college.
We settled in a routine way of relating as we dealt with raising 5 kids, family issues, and my post partum depression. We didn’t talk about our sex life. We argued about a lot of stuff. My husband felt rejected; I did, too. Many couples fall into these regular frustrating and discouraging ways of relating.
October 9, 1993
About 5 years ago, we started rebuilding our relationship. While we didn’t intend to start outside the bedroom, learning to talk about issues in healthy ways was the best way to start. We both had learned many unhealthy ways of relating in our family of origin. We had to change them. When husbands and wives are feeling rejected in the bedroom, working out issues in other parts of their married life can help them rebuild unity as a team which can lead to better communication in the bedroom.
Yet, we were still in a rut when it came to bedroom activities. Since I felt like we were too serious and I needed some spicy fun in my life, I decided to take the lead in adding spice to our sex life. When I asked my husband how he felt about my surprises, he said while he normally doesn’t like surprises, he has enjoyed having fun and being surprised.
How to Put the Spice Back into the Bedroom
While my husband and I have been more open over the past year about our sexual relationship, we still had issues from time to time. When I had a chance to review Fiera®, a small, fast acting, hands-free product that is designed to encourage blood flow and lubrication, warming up women’s body for a more satisfying intimate experience, I knew it would push us to communicate more openly than we had previously. We’ve had more intimate conversations about trying new things including challenging ourselves to try a new position each time we had sex.
Putting the spice back into your relationship with your husband not only helps your marital bond, it also has important health benefits. According to WebMD, your immune system gets a boost with regular sexual activity. Research has shown a link between lower blood pressure and sex, and specifically for women, increased bladder control. Sex counts as exercise (fun exercise!), and helps relieve stress. With all those benefits in mind, I’ve come up with 6 ways to add spice to your bedroom activities.
1. Have fun with your husband. Outside the Bedroom.
Remember when you used to ride bikes together or would spend hours wandering around a bookstore together? Or did you love riding roller coasters and ferris wheels together?
For your next date, surprise your husband with an activity you did together when you were first dating. Make a commitment to do something fun together once a month. Being able to laugh together helps build pleasure pathways in our brains reinforcing our enjoyment of our spouse. These are the same pathways created by orgasms – boom!
2. Flirt with your husband.
If you’re like me, this is going to be a tough one. As an introvert, I was never comfortable with flirting when I was younger. But it’s actually pretty simple, and something you and I can learn.
Weave compliments into your conversation or texting with your husband. Complimenting our husbands reinforces to them why we chose them as a mate. I started my Daily Love Notes project on my anniversary to ensure I would remember to compliment my husband every single day. Sure, he could do with more compliments, but I wasn’t making the time to say those nice things. I took them for granted. Now he has a pile of notes sitting on his home office desk with big and small compliments.
Touch him more often. Hugs and kisses are good, especially passionate ones behind the bathroom door while the kids are waiting outside to get in. Or pinching his butt while cooking together. Wink at him. Tease him with words and actions.
3. Try different positions and different places when making love.
Since women often struggle with getting in the mood due to time or lack of desire, putting the focus on experimenting can get women out of their heads and into the fun of being with their partner. My husband and I decided to challenge each other with trying a new position every time. Some work really well, and some…well, they didn’t work so well for us. The attempts have helped us communicate better about what works for us, and any additional help we need from our partner to make something work better.
Here’s a few ideas to get you started:
- In a tent while camping
- In the kitchen or living room
- In a hotel room
- In the shower
- Set a timer and see how long you can engage in foreplay
- Grab your hubby for a quick kiss the next time you’re alone in an elevator
4. Try something new – lingerie, sex toys, food, role playing.
One of my favorite episodes of Modern Family is when Claire and Phil pretend to be strangers at a hotel bar and do a “stranger pick up.” Except the pick up goes wrong when Phil picks up the wrong hotel room card. Anyhoo, putting on a different persona and role playing is a fun way to bring spice into the relationship no matter what happens. Just make sure someone grabs the right hotel room card!
Try a before-play toy together and turn it into foreplay. Fiera® is a small, fast acting product designed to warm up women’s bodies for a more satisfying intimate experience with their partner. Ask your husband to help you position the hands-free Fiera® product which of course he’ll be eager to do because the clothes come off! If you struggle with getting in the mood for sex, Fiera® can help accelerate your physical arousal while you and your husband engage in foreplay.
5. Play a sexy game together.
Go Fish can take on a whole new meaning if clothes are involved. Just saying. Twister is another good one, plus the old standby – strip poker. Oh, how about checkers and “King me!”
6. Take off your clothes in front of your husband. Very slowly.
I never thought of this as spicy until I caught my husband watching me undress one night. Men ARE visual creatures, after all. Since he’s going to be looking, treat yourself to sexy, and comfortable, underwear. Ditto on the sleepwear. If you’re not sure what to wear, take your husband on a shopping expedition and pick out some outfits together. It’s okay if this takes place in Target and not Victoria Secret. Go with your comfort level, ladies.
Intrigued by Fiera®?
Learn more today about this fast-acting intimate product for women and their partners.
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.